Thursday, September 16, 2010

Thank you!

I want to thank all of you for all of your love and support that you have showed and shared with us over the last few weeks. Thank you so much for all your words of wisdom, encouragement, and love. We are SO blessed to have such amazing friends and family that are willing to help out in any way they can! It is times like these that remind me how truly blessed I am to have such wonderful people in my life. These last 3 weeks have been full of emotions. Full of feelings of pain, anger, sadness, frustration, helplessness, jealousy, envy, confusion, and even stupidity. Since the miscarriage just wasn't happening on it's own and the risk of infection was rising every day we were finally able to go to the hospital and have the D&C. I was not excited for surgery but was excited to finally close this chapter of our lives and move on. When I woke up from surgery Tuesday afternoon the very first thought that came into my head was, "that's it, that is the end of what was left of my baby." Surprisingly I didn't burst into tears feeling sorry for myself or sad about what had just happened. Instead my eyes welled up with tears and I felt relief and peace for the first time in a LONG time. These last 3 weeks have been the hardest 3 weeks of my life, 3 weeks that I never want to relive EVER...but the things I have learned are things that I want to remember forever. This adventure has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father, closer to myself and closer to Dillon. Before all of this I thought I loved Dillon more than any one person can love another human being but now I know I can and I do love him even more. He has been my rock. He has let me spend countless hours crying on his shoulder, gave me many blessings, and reminded me numerous times that "it will all be ok." I know this has been just as hard on him and I so appreciate his strength and support. I love you Dillon and I love all of you for your thoughts and prayers offered in our behalf. THANK YOU!

5 comments:

Corrie said...

Love you guys, you are both pretty amazing. I am glad this chapter is behind you, because of the raw emotions that it brought. I know for a fact it will get easier, but it won't be forgotten. And you are so right, it is hard on the guys but because they aren't the ones who's bodys are carrying the baby, or going thru procedures, they kind of get overlooked. You have an amazing hubby Heidi! Thanks Dillon and thanks Heidi for being so strong.

The Shane's said...

Big hugz and prayers from the Shane's! I feel blessed that it was Dillion who confirmed me a member of the Church! The blessing he spoke, though not written down anywhere has stuck with me. I will never forget it. I know that you are both precious to our Heavenly Father! He has great plans for you both! Some things... you just know! Keep growing!

McKenzie Merritt Helm said...

Heidi Ho, I love you so much and am so grateful to know you, you have such a strong testimony and I am so glad you are sharing it. It has helped me grow so much! Thanks! Love you!

Gardiner said...

Heidi- you might not remember me, but I was Lacey's age in school. I just read your last two posts and am now sitting here in tears! The SAME thing happened to me in March! It is so heart breaking! I know every feeling and emotion that you are going through. I will tell you that it gets better and easier, but there are still some tough times ahead. Don't be ashamed to cry, it is the best release. It has been 6 months and I still find myself in tears when I see pregnant women everywhere and get closer and closer to my "due date". Keep close to your husband and keep your testimony strong in the Gospel. Again, I am so so so sorry for you. It is a pain that I would never wish upon anyone, but only the strongest can handle it. Good Luck! I am praying for you!

Sandy said...

Love ya Heidi!!!!!!